He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
