He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
