About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
