i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dick has a subreddit
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
