She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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