dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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