Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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