ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
