this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
