so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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