woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
