...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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