The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
