Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
