i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just gift wrapped bread.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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