I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
