dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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