Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
