I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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