I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
