peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
