stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
