I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
