she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
