I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
