I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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