i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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