I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
