I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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