I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
