Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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