Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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