it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
