Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
