You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i will never coherently bang her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
