Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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