Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
