woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize