I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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