I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
