I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
