Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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