i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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