Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
