he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
there is glitter all over my balls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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