I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
