are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
