so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
