Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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