This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
