if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
