thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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