god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
