we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
