Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
