I want to stick my p in your. b.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
