Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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