some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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