And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize