Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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