Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
