So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
id be glad to
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
