my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
