nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
