You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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