im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
