Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
