haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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