Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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