I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
